I've noticed a lot of talk in the media lately about bullying and efforts to stop it.  I think it's fantastic!  I, too, was bullied in middle school and high school so I completely support efforts that will help kids stop being bullies and victims.  There's another type of bullying I would like to draw attention to...Spiritual Bullying.  This, on the other hand, I still do not hear a whole lot about yet it is just as widespread and damaging as the bullying being suffered physically and emotionally by kids across America.  I'm thinking it's partially due to the nature of this type of abuse.  It can be very subtle and soft.  Unlike physical and verbal abuse, the victim and those around may not even realize they are being bullied til well after the fact.  This is where I found myself many years ago.
 

I was raised in a very legalistic and spiritually abusive church and home.  If you would like to understand more about the definition of spiritual abuse you can view a blog post of mine titled Spiritual Abuse.  I left that church after attending for 25+ years.  I remember the first few years after that.  They were heart wrenching and very difficult.  I found myself very angry and floundering with what I truly believed about God.  Fortunately, I pressed through, dealt with the pain and the damage and now feel like I have a much healthier view of God and how He views me.  I have learned so much from this experience.
 
I can now spot spiritual abuse a mile away.  It usually starts with a condemning word or a word spoken in judgment.  It will then escalate to trying to convince you that the way you believe is wrong and the way they believe is right.  That "everyone else in the world believes this way" and so should you or that "everyone else is lacking and falling short" and so are you.  These are just a few examples of what the convincing could look like.
 
Here's the really, really cool part!  The very thing these "bullies" are doing, all in the name of Christ and the Bible, is specifically spoken against in the very same Bible.  Romans chapter 14.  I read this chapter again this morning and was even more enlightened to what our own, personal relationship with God is suppose to look like to others.  It was amazingly refreshing.  I am going to highlight just a couple of portions of this chapter here from the Message version.  I encourage you to read the entire chapter for yourself in whatever version of the Bible you feel most comfortable with.
 
The very first verse says, "Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do.  And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with-even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department.  Remember, they have their own history to deal with.  Treat them gently."  Let me be the first to say I have failed miserably here at times.  I don't often recognize when I'm simply just sharing my opinion or I'm "jumping all over them every time they do or say something I don't agree with".  It gets jumbled for me because I'm thinking, "Did they not hear what I have said before?".  So, I think they just need to hear it again.  Before I know it, we are both trying to convince the other and are behaving in direct opposition to Romans 14:1.  My most recent prayer has been focused on recognizing this sooner.  I feel if I recognize this pattern of behavior here, then I will be able to not engage.  Which brings me to the next portion I would like to highlight.
 
Verse 5: "...each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience."  Verse 8: "It's God we are answerable to-all the way from life to death and everything in between-not each other."  Verse 10: "So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother?  And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister?  I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly-or worse.  Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God.  Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit."  WOW!  That's putting it plainly.  Verse 13: "Forget about deciding what's right for each other.  Here's what you need to be concerned about:  that YOU don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is."  Verse 13 reminds me of something my husband and I say quite often to our children; "You only need to take care of YOU!  Don't worry whether or not your brother/sister is obeying us. You only need to be concerned with whether or not YOU are obeying us."
 
Doesn't this make so much sense?  That's the thing I love that I'm learning about God and His principle's...very profound yet very simple.
 
Paul wraps up this chapter with verses 22 and 23: v.22, "Cultivate your own relationship with God, but don't impose it on others.  You're fortunate if your behavior and your belief are coherent."  Verse 23 explains verse 22.  He's saying that it is enough of a challenge for you to make sure you are living according to your own convictions.  Focus on making sure that you are not "out of line" on that.
 
There's one more saying I like to say when I feel someone is trying to convince me that my convictions or beliefs are not correct or if they feel I'm needing correction; "Please stop trying to be my Holy Spirit.".  Verse 4 confirms this for me; "...If there are corrections to be made or manners to be learned, God can handle that without your help."
 
Spiritual Bullying may be a term that is offensive to you.  In fact, this entire post may be offensive to you.  I get that.  I really do.  However, I feel a responsibility to give voice to this silent, spiritual killer.  It almost took my spiritual life and I've seen it take many others.  I will continue to bring awareness to this issue as long as I have breath.  If this is offensive to you, I pray that you will find peace when talking to God about this. I'm not going to try to convince you of anything.  I did learn something from reading this chapter today. :)  Read the chapter for yourself, pray about it, ask the Holy Spirit to bring the understanding you need.  Then, let's talk.